So earlier this year I applied for two totally different further education courses. I love both specialty areas but was craving studying again so applied for both and decided to let the universe guide me as to where I should go or if the time was even right to study again. One pathway was highly encouraged and supported by managers and the other wasn’t so of course I went with the option where I had loads of encouragement and support from my workplace.
I’m now in term 3 of the course and doing well so I decided to bite the bullet and apply for a program that will run next year at my hospital that means I can study and train for 12months and transfer over to Midwifery! I’m a little excited and so very nervous as the study load and full-time work is going to change 2018 immensely but I applied, i’ve sat my interview a fortnight ago, and now the long wait to hear back. As I drove home from the interview I had the mum guilts majorly, Is it too much to take on? Will I be away from Max too much? Can I handle this on my own? Is Max going to resent me for being full-time for a year? Should I withdraw? I had to pull over and have a pep talk with myself as I felt like I was going to have a panic attack about it! I’m super judgemental of myself now because of the scrutiny I receive from Max’s dad but I’ve worked so hard over the last two years to move past that and just focus on what is best for Max and I and our future…..and that to me means qualifications and skills that will earn a contract for some regular hours and financial stability. I do feel that studying while Max is young is great and I’ve managed really well this year [so far], so i’m positive that if i’m offered the position that I CAN do this!
I’m a firm believer that if something is meant to be then it just happens, it falls into place, and just feels relaxed. And if it’s difficult and not working, then the timing isn’t right at the moment. So what ever the outcome of the interview is, I will never have known if it was right if I didn’t try in the first place!