Fears and Desires

Wow, what a busy few months it has been!

I finished painting my bedroom and it’s all set up, including my new bed which is just absolutely amazing! So, let me know if you’d like me to do a post.

I attended a job interview a few months ago that I mentioned in a previous post, and although I wasn’t successful, they have offered me an alternate job based more on what I’m currently studying which really blew me away. It involves more travel as it’s not in my local area, but it’s a really really good opportunity for growth building on my skills, experience and knowledge in my career. I debated with myself about the extra travel and time away from Max but after talking it over with my support network (family and friends who help with Max) and my workplace, they’re happy to be flexible which is wonderful. So it was a very excited YES from me, and I will start my new journey shortly, YAY!!

That was the first big positive I’ve had in my life for a while, although a few more have followed now and it feels so good to be going in a positive direction. I’ve been working hard and I feel my life is finally starting to reflect that. When you are constantly focussing on the negative moments in your life you attract what you fear and repel what you really desire. The road since my separation has been anything but smooth and is extremely exhausting, but I’ve managed to push through because I’ve stopped focussing on those moments. I’ve realised that every moment is neutral till it’s labelled, and as soon as I let go of my fears and started to take inspired action towards what my desires are my moments changed, for the better.

I’ve got an amazing job opportunity that I’m so excited to begin, I’m only a few weeks off finishing my graduate certificate, and my annual beach holiday has been extended from one week to three thanks to an impeccably timed phone call after someone cancelled their booking! These are my desires, to grow in my career, and make memories with my son. I know most desire more money and a better figure, and to a degree I do too, but it’s not important at the moment. Live in the now, be present in your children’s lives, and create moments they will cherish for long after we are gone. My son isn’t going to look back at how much money we did or didn’t have, he will look back to see a mum who worked and spent quality time with him on my days off. He loves spending a morning with me at the beach, and our trips to Bunnings even if we just go to look at the flowers and find the resident lizards, he doesn’t care what it is we are doing as long as it’s time together. We recently gate crashed my parents camping trip for a few days and Max was so excited to be sleeping in a tent. I wasn’t so excited being in a tent on a mattress I needed to pump up each night, but it was all new to him and time together. We hired a kayak and explored the creek, visited the park more times then I can count, rode our bikes and made new friends. Just a small town caravan park, a boy, and his family, cherishing those special moments.

Our annual beach holiday is at a place I holidayed at as a child. I love that he will have the opportunity to fall in love with the place I spent so many summers at and made some lifelong friends. Friends whose children are now experiencing what we did. It’s not a resort, it’s not a fancy 5-star holiday park or hotel either, it’s a small coastal town that is still relatively untouched. Last year we rode our bikes on the beach each afternoon, we played in the sand, found shells, decorated sand castles with sea weed, had basic meals, used a public shower block and toilets, and explored the area. He still talks about it now, 10months later, asking when we’re going back. These are the moments that I want to create, moments that are full of smiles and positive memories, nothing fancy, just some Max and mum time.

Every moment in life is a fresh start, a moment full of opportunity to be the very best version of you. Give that moment your all, be present, and choose you…



A Job Interview

So earlier this year I applied for two totally different further education courses. I love both specialty areas but was craving studying again so applied for both and decided to let the universe guide me as to where I should go or if the time was even right to study again. One pathway was highly encouraged and supported by managers and the other wasn’t so of course I went with the option where I had loads of encouragement and support from my workplace.

I’m now in term 3 of the course and doing well so I decided to bite the bullet and apply for a program that will run next year at my hospital that means I can study and train for 12months and transfer over to Midwifery! I’m a little excited and so very nervous as the study load and full-time work is going to change 2018 immensely but I applied, i’ve sat my interview a fortnight ago, and now the long wait to hear back. As I drove home from the interview I had the mum guilts majorly, Is it too much to take on? Will I be away from Max too much? Can I handle this on my own? Is Max going to resent me for being full-time for a year? Should I withdraw? I had to pull over and have a pep talk with myself as I felt like I was going to have a panic attack about it! I’m super judgemental of myself now because of the scrutiny I receive from Max’s dad but I’ve worked so hard over the last two years to move past that and just focus on what is best for Max and I and our future…..and that to me means qualifications and skills that will earn a contract for some regular hours and financial stability. I do feel that studying while Max is young is great and I’ve managed really well this year [so far], so i’m positive that if i’m offered the position that I CAN do this!

I’m a firm believer that if something is meant to be then it just happens, it falls into place, and just feels relaxed. And if it’s difficult and not working, then the timing isn’t right at the moment. So what ever the outcome of the interview is, I will never have known if it was right if I didn’t try in the first place!

Max’s Room Makeover

So whilst totally overwhelmed with my uni workload I decided to start a makeover on Max’s room, because thats totally how you deal with life when it’s a little tough!

As you can see his room was previously quite dark and just didn’t fit with Max’s furniture. The whole house is cream with brown trim and whilst i’m sure it was very on trend at some point it’s very dark and drab now, plus the carpet has well and truely seen better days and is covered in stains. So, I emptied his room into the dinning room, ripped up the carpet and made a trip to the paint shop via the carpet shop. I’m very proud that it only took about 15minutes to pick the colour, oh, thats right, because I was also on a deadline to get it all done before the new carpet got installed in 2 days time!

I was so sick, but in prime procrastination mode for uni so with two very late nights a majority of the painting was done and the carpet arrived to be laid. We decided to go for a carpet that is life proof but also lush under foot so got one that is recycled PET! Yes, recycled plastic. Apparently very easy to clean and it’s got a very soft and luxurious feel to it too. Having a child and living near a busy road we chose a dark colour instead of the previous cream coloured carpet.

The colours chosen are Dulux Lexicon half, low sheen for the ceiling and gloss for the trims, and Dulux Tranquil Retreat for the walls. The colour is absolutely amazing and the feel in the room is quite, well, tranquil! It’s lighter in the room and the feel of the new carpet under foot is divine. I haven’t put the old wardrobe back in as it was an older style wooden wardrobe which doesn’t fit in with his new room so i’ve decided to put in a built in wardrobe one day (i use that term loosely), but for now all Max’s clothes are in my walk in robe.

Max is very much in love with the makeover and gave the carpet his ‘forward roll’ of approval. I positioned the furniture so he has maximum floor space to play and I rotate his toys so everything isn’t all out at once. Each week he chooses a few items and swaps them over with something from my walk in. I’m still deciding on how to display some of his preschool artwork and our family photo’s above his bed so if anyone has any ideas let me know 🙂

Totally loving life right now!

The first term of uni is almost finished and i’m getting some pretty amazing results back (yay)! I’ve sort of found my balance between being a mum to Max/allocating enough time for study/working enough to make ends meet, and occasionally, I even get to see my friends lol. I’ve really enjoyed being back at uni and learning again and it’s a pretty exciting course too. I’ve learnt sooooooo much already and am so passionate when I get to put my new found knowledge into practice and extend on my skills. A new area manager is pushing for me to be involved in some pretty amazing up and coming training which sounds really exciting and it feels so good to be so supported in my workplace to further my skills and training.

My poor little Max has had a rough time over the last few weeks too….seams when he got tonsillitis, chicken pox decided it would kick him while he was down, and now we’ve just rolled onto croup! He’s been so miserable and I swear in three weeks i’ve had about 4days sleep all up. Thankfully Max’s dad decided it would be best for Max if he stayed at home instead of attending his access weekend which was probably the best thing that’s come from his dad since we split…..readers, I think that moment is what people call a “successful co-parenting moment”, yes, OMG! My ex has also told me he’s now an avid follower of this blog, I find it a little weird that he’s still so interested in my life almost 2 years down the road, it’s not like we’re on good terms at all, but if it makes him feel better keeping tabs on my life then welcome to my blog!

I’ve even been able to fit in some gym time, and a little meditation occasionally too. This is something that has become so important to me, that hour at the gym has become my “me time”. Doesn’t matter if its a strength, cardio or a yoga session, that hour each day has become an important part of it, I love that sweaty euphoric feeling post workout. I’ve been pushing my boundaries and trying to hit some new goals and whilst cardio and I are not friends at all…it’s a work in progress.

I’ve also been a little neglectful with my friends the last few weeks since uni started, but we’ve been putting some exciting plans together for the horizon that we’re all really looking forward to. A girls trip with some family and girlfriends is all but booked and i’m excited that we will all get the opportunity to together sans children for some quality time and some good laughs. And then, possibly the MOST exciting of all is a close friend who won an all expenses paid trip for an event later in the year….i’m talking return flights, transfers, The Hilton, VIP tent and champagne. I’m so grateful that this amazing women is in my life…and that she chose ME to share this experience with her. How did I ever get so lucky to have such amazingly wise women in my life? They keep me grounded and my therapy bill low, we’ve passed in nights out for catchup’s at the park and playdates at each others house or the play gym, and whilst we all have our own individual struggles, we empower each other through them.

Being 30 isn’t so bad, and i’m totally in love with my life right now..