A new way of life…..just Max and I.
When my ex finally got the idea that nothing he could do or say would bring me back it was bliss! He stopped turning up at our house at all hours of the day and night (remember we are now 2.5hours away form him), the constant messages stopped and I felt relief. Relief that I no longer had to be alone in a relationship, I didn’t have to pretend to be happy in front of acquaintances, and relief that I’d finally escaped a toxic relationship!
I am finally free, free of a toxic personality, free to raise my son with positive male model models in his life, free to go back to work, to rebuild a network of friends, and most importantly…..to embark on a journey of self love! Max has so many positive role models in his life now, any of which i’d be proud if he grew up to be just like them because between his uncles, poppy and our male friends, he has some pretty awesome footprints to walk along side and who will help guide him through life. These men are all very different but they are all attentive, caring and loyal. Both of Max’s uncles are dad’s themselves, as is his poppy and some of our male friends, they are absolutely amazing with their children and they support their partners in every way….this is what I had wanted Max to see, a dad who loves and supports his mum. I’m sorry Max that that didn’t happen, but have faith that one day there will be a male in our life that does love and support me in every way…including you xx
I am finally being supported to return to work with the amazing help of my parents. I am extremely grateful my parents are around to look after Max while i’m at work as without them I wouldn’t be able to due to the nature of my career as a nurse. Max’s has been through a lot of change but having my parents to care for Max when I returned to work almost a year ago meant that he felt safe, secure, and had routine and continuity. I remember my first shift back, I was so nervous but i’d chosen an evening shift as I could spend all morning with Max and I went to work while he had his lunch time sleep and he got to spend the afternoon with just his Nanny and Poppy, which he absolutely loved! Meanwhile I was stressing the whole time that he was really missing me and he’d be a mess…..he wasn’t, just me! Max soon understood what “Mummy is going to work” meant and knew that it would be time spent with nanny and poppy. I’ve done some time in area’s of nursing that aren’t my passion to brush up on my skills and knowledge as well as undertake some short courses and educational sessions. My boss recognised this and almost a year after returning i’ve finally been given the opportunity to get into the emergency department! Excitement is an understatement and that is another story for me to share..
I’ve reconnected with some old school friends with whom i’d kept in contact with and i’ve met new people through them as well as new acquaintances through work and activities in the community. The new connections through work are new and exciting and although i’ve met a lot of people there’s obviously only a few i’ve “clicked” with. The same with new connections through my school friends, while i’ve met a few there’s only a small few that are now apart of my network. My schools friends are like i’d never left, it’s nice to have them in my life and also that feeling of long term friendships and loyalty….these girls make me laugh, they’ve wiped away many tears, they’ve grounded me post breakup, and they’ve kept my therapist bill a lot smaller then it would be without them, thank you xx
My journey of self love has been interesting, i’ve learned that I need to fill up my own cup of self love first, only then can I truely give to others from the overflow. I feel i’ve become a little spiritual and I have a totally new outlook on life, I now meditate and enjoy practicing Thai chi and yoga regularly to ground me and clear my mind, I have far more patience and then I ever did before and I am not allowing negativity into my life. It meant a big shift in my friends circle but those who are still here are that one’s there were here for me from the start. Meditating, yoga and Thai chi are very relaxing, having a clear mind ensures a good nights sleep, and for the times I haven’t been able to clear my mind I found some amazing guided meditation to help get me too sleep. I started to really look after myself, it’s something I haven’t done for a long time and I didn’t realises till now! I get a massage when i’m stressed, I see a physiologist when I need to, I go to the gym which i’ve found helps me immensely, and I enjoy time with my friends again. Having the odd dinner, night out, day at the races or mum movie date is huge for us, it doesn’t happen often but when it does we all needed the time out to just be adults again and have some time to ourselves! As a num most understand that doesn’t happen very often and is extremely exciting lol.
18months post breakup i’ve started to date again, I felt the time was right so I went with it. I am extremely cautious about introducing anyone new to Max until I know they will be in my life long term, but I also understand that he will cope as well as I do so my plan is to slowly bring someone into our life ONLY once they are family and gal pal approved! I didn’t listen to either last time so this time he will need pre approval before he gets to be apart of my life. I downloaded an online dating app as this is what people are doing now, I got introduced to people through my circle of friends, and I met new people through work and the gym. Between all of them i’ve met some really nice people, where these new connections will take me i’m unsure, but for now i’m just enjoying getting to know new people and seeing where it leads me.
Be the very best version of you,
Stay true to yourself,
Be genuine + authentic,
Always always always be kind + spread love,
Because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind xx